Even the most compatible partners can have wildly different sexual preferences. In any sexual relationship, you’re bound to be turned on by different things. That’s why it’s best to be kind about it when your partner tells you something they want to try in bed, even if it’s not for you. Wouldn’t you want them to treat you with kindness if you worked up the courage to admit you have, say, a gang bang fantasy, rather than respond in horror? However, kink-shaming, which literally means the shaming of another person for their sexual fantasies, may happen occasionally.

Being kink-shamed never feels good. For instance, once I asked a former partner if he would go to a sex party with me. Rather than politely declining or describing his reservations, he called me derogatory names, then shouted, “Go suck a bunch of dicks.” It felt awful, and even if you’re shamed in a less intentional way, it still can hurt. That’s why it’s important to learn how to avoid it, as well as how to get through it when it happens to you. Keep reading to learn exactly how to disclose what you’re into, what to do if someone kink-shames you, and how to avoid accidentally doing it to your partner.

Let’s talk about what often leads to kink-shaming: the intimidating process of talking about what turns us on. Every relationship has a different dynamic. For some couples, sexual fantasies are best shared as part of dirty talk during sex. Others may feel more comfortable bringing up the topic during more neutral times when sex isn’t actually on the table.

Read the full article:

The Stigma-Free Guide to Disclosing your Sexual Kinks and Fetishes by Sophie Saint Thomas

Oct. 3rd, 2018