THE LINK: Sex Editorial - Sexually Submissive Men Have Something to Say

It’s pretty much unquestionable that BDSM is having its 15 minutes of fame culturally.

The massive popularity of the book 50 Shades of Grey and it’s inevitable, on-screen adaptation prove that the public is eager to learn more about the world of BDSM, which commonly stands for bondage, domination, sadism and masochism, though there are variations under that moniker.

It’s not surprising that BDSM is enjoying more mainstream success; a study revealed that 51 per cent of men and approximately 39 percent of women were sexually aroused by the idea of having a dominant or submissive sexual partner. These results also reveal that more men than women are attracted to the idea of having someone be sexually submissive to them.

What is lacking about the mainstream depictions of BDSM is variety. 50 Shades of Grey centres around the love/sex story of two characters, the naive/innocent student journalist Ana and the mysterious and damaged businessman Christian Grey (the namesake of the movie).

A lot of cultural dialogue around the subject, including mainstream media sources, have imposed a heterosexual idea that reinforces existing gender binaries, where the man is the dominant partner and the woman the submissive.

It ignores the experiences of sexually submissive men and dominant women, arguably because they flout social customs. We live in a sexist patriarchal culture that promotes and profits off the physical and emotional submission of women.

Men who are sexually submissive are essentially giving the finger to social norms, and that isn’t comfortable to people who promote a mainstream, church-on-Sundays, mashed-potatoes-every-Wednesday kind of existence.

Pseudonyms have been used for the people interviewed, to protect their privacy, as well as their current and future employment opportunities.

Calvin Hobbes

Hobbes is a submissive latex-loving man, who loves to serve his Mistress. “I feel complete when I’m submissive—whether that’s in a sexual context or in terms of being obedient to my partner in day-to-day life,” said Hobbes.


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Sex Editorial: Sexually Submissive Men Have Something to Say by Ayesha White

March 5, 2019


Ludacris has a thing for feet. According to a 2004 interview he gave to Today, the rapper, actor and one-time Fear Factor host judges a lady’s date-worthiness by how sexy her feet are, rejecting anyone who “tricks” him by pulling a displeasing foot out of her boot. “I have a foot fetish,” he explained.

That a household name like Luda came out and admitted he had a fetish was titillating at the time, but the fact that feet were his fancy was somewhat less so: According to a 2007 study of more than 5,000 adults, foot fetishism is the most common non-vanilladesire. And as evidenced by Ludacris’ admission, it’s also the most seemingly mainstream. Nowhere is that more apparent than on wikiFeet, a celebrity foot fetish site, founded in 2008, that bills itself as “the most extensive online message board and photo gallery of women’s feet on the Internet.”

According to The Guardian, more than 700,000 people visit wikiFeet every week to rate and review the feet of over 30,000 famous women’s feet. Some of these feet are attached to A-listers like Ivanka Trump, Whoopi Goldberg and Emma Stone, but the vast majority of them are C- and D-list feet submitted by a global network of users who pull them from public sources like social media, magazine covers, film stills and Google Images.

If you’re a foot fanatic, I’m sure you’ll find wikiFeet’s selection — sortable by nationality, foot size and birthday — to be robust and satisfying. If you’re not, I’m equally sure you’ll find absolutely nothing sexy about it — the images are zoomed-out, G-rated and no more erotic than your standard Getty photo. The comments are equally tame and nothing like the ones you’d find on a typical porn site. “Beautiful soles, with elegant form!!!!” reads one. “Very nice #bath” is another. They’re also very, very knowledgeable about feet.

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The foot fetishists of Wikifeet are the web's gentlest Kinksters by Isabelle Kohn

Feb. 2019

VICE: How Trans Sex Workers in Paris Are Coming Together to Stay Safe

Near the sprawling Bois de Boulogne public park in western Paris, a white van belonging to a trans sex worker has been completely wrecked. The bed is torn apart, the bumpers shattered and trash dumped on the ground around the vehicle. "This really pisses me off," fumes Samantha as she surveys the damage to the van.

Samantha is a sex worker and employee of the Bus des Femmes – an organisation that works to provide sex workers in the area with a range of welfare services. She considers herself an expert on the Bois de Boulogne – where, in April of 2018, trans sex worker Vanessa Campos, 36, was killed while trying to protect a colleague from being robbed.

"You're looking at a kind of intersectionality with these girls; the combined stigmas of being trans, a sex worker and an immigrant," Françoise Gill, the president of Bus de femmes, later explains to me.

Samantha is on her weekly rounds to check in on the area's sex worker community – a group that has felt considerably less safe since the French government introduced a €1,500 (£1,350) fine in 2016 for anyone caught paying for sex. Even though prostitution is legal in France, the fine was partly intended as a deterrent. But instead of working as planned, clients now regularly ask the women for sex in secluded areas to avoid the police. In a Médecins du Monde survey conducted with nearly 600 sex workers in France, 63 percent said they have seen their working conditions deteriorate, while 42 percent said they have experienced more violence since the law change.

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How Trans Sex Workers in Paris are coming together to stay safe by Manon Walquan and Edouard Richards

Jan. 11th, 2019

BUZZFEED.NEWS: Margaret Cho Hopes The BDSM Web Series She's Producing Shatters Stereotypes About Asian Women's Sexuality

Comedian and actor Margaret Cho hopes the forthcoming web series she's producing, Mercy Mistress, dispels longtime assumptions about Asian women's sexuality.

Cho, actor Poppy Liu, and Yin Q, the BDSM master whose memoir serves as the inspiration for the show, stopped by BuzzFeed News' morning show AM to DM on Monday to chat about the series with reporter Hayes Brown.

When questioned about which Asian stereotypes she'd like the show to chip away at, Cho immediately responded, "Dragon Lady."

"But it’s the one way we as Asian women have been able to have agency and control of the narrative," said Cho, "that we have to assume these tropes like Dragon Lady, like the Lotus Blossom, like the Delicate Flower."

Cho said that the great thing about Mercy Mistress is having Asian women play with the stereotypes in a way that's "eroticized and having fun for us."

"I think that's the most powerful piece of this."

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Margaret Cho hopes the BDSM web series she's producing shatters stereotypes about Asian women's sexuality by Michael Blackmon

Jan. 7th, 2019

PRIDE SOURCE: Give Margaret Cho a Hand: Comic Talks New Kink Series, Queer Sex & Hollywood Homophobia

Damn that bulging carpometacarpal joint. Without it, Margaret Cho’s kink play could’ve been trouble-free, but nope – that thumb joint has been “the bane of my existence since 1991,” she tells me.

That’s right: I talked to Margaret Cho and we somehow landed on the topic of fisting. These things happen! (They especially do if, like I did, you launch your convo with Cho by informing her that your introduction to the word “fisting” was via her early stand-up.)

Clearly, our afternoon chat took many wild and sexually freewheeling turns when the trailblazing comic called to discuss executive producing “Mercy Mistress,” an Asian-led web series exploring BDSM through the relationship of its lead, a queer Chinese-American dominatrix named Mistress Yin (played by actress-activist Poppy Liu), and her new client. The series is based on sex-work activist and BDSM educator Yin Q’s memoir. Difficult digits aside, Cho discussed her intro to kink, diversity casting, what makes queer sex special and why Christian Grey should’ve been a sub.

You’ve long spoken openly about sex, sexuality and kink. Why is it important to you to talk about queer sex in your work?

It’s just another way to embellish identity. There are just ways of being ourselves, and when you’re queer and you come out, you come out to a world where you kind of need to figure out who you are because the examples aren’t out there for us. They aren’t defined. The lanes aren’t so, like, obvious (laughs). So, you really need to create it.

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Margaret Cho talks new kink series, queer sex & Hollywood homophobia by Chris Azzopardi

Jan. 3rd, 2019

ALLURE: How Asian-American Dominatrixes Use Stereotypes to Their Advantage in the Fetish World

In the 1999 film Payback, Lucy Liu plays a dominatrix named Pearl. Clad in patent leather lingerie and fishnets, she stomps on her boyfriend’s balls and recites the lines, “Me love you, baby, me love you long time.” Accurate media portrayals of sex workers of color are hard to come by in general, but from her criminality to her willingness to let her boyfriend beat her up, Liu’s character is a poor depiction of an Asian dominatrix.

Professional domination, a historically taboo career that combines sex work with BDSM, is already sensationalized in pop culture as a world of cracking whips, villainous dungeons, and anguished screams. But combining that with Orientalist, hypersexualized stereotypes — either the fragile “lotus blossom” or aggressive “dragon lady” — can send some in a tailspin of fetishization and prurient curiosity.

Which is why Domina Dia Dynasty and Mistress Lucy Sweetkill, two New York City professional dominatrixes (pro dommes), warned against generalizing their experiences for the entire community.

Lucy, 33, is Vietnamese American, and Dia, 41, is Chinese American. They came into their unconventional career in similar ways, but have opposing personalities. Lucy’s clients often call her “daddy,” because of her authoritative energy, while Dia’s ultra-feminine energy gets her the nickname “goddess” and sometimes, to her displeasure, “mommy.”

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Asian American Dommes use stereotypes to their advantage in the Fetish world by Tiffany Diane Tso

Jan. 2nd, 2019

BLAVITY: How FOSTA-SESTA Legislation Is Wreaking Havoc On The Lives Of Sex Workers

Ever since President Donald Trump signed bipartisan bills Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) and Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA) into law this past April, panic has set in among the sex work community. Often lumped together as FOSTA-SESTA, this legislation was introduced to Congress with an intent to end human trafficking. However, it has also inadvertently targeted consensual sex workers, forcing many to resort to other more dangerous practices.

SESTA-FOSTA challenges section 230 of the Communications and Decency Act of 1996, which states, “No provider or user of an interactive computer service shall be treated as the publisher or speaker of any information provided by another information content provider.” Therefore, websites like Facebook, Amazon, Craigslist, Reddit and YouTube were legally protected, should a user post unsavory or offensive content on their own accord.That was before FBI and other federal agencies raided the home of former owner Michael Lacey. Known for its adult personal ads, the controversial website was shut down and seized by the FBI, once allegations related to child sex trafficking were raised.

Now under SESTA-FOSTA, any site believed to be hosting ads related to human trafficking is at risk of prosecution, even if they are unaware that some of their users are promoting trafficking. Because lawmakers' stance on sex work seems to exclude the possibility of consensual sex work, SESTA-FOSTA appears to blur the line between consensual sex worker and actual human trafficking. Some sites preemptively removed its adult content earlier this year, including subreddits containing sexual content. Likewise, sex-work directories, like CityVibe and NightShift, have also been shut down. According to a report from Engadget, Google has even started to purge the Drive accounts of cam performers, who sell clips and videos to clients.

Blavity spoke with Tamika Spellman, policy and advocacy associate for Helping Individual People Survive (HIPS). A Black, trans woman and sex worker, Spellman knows firsthand how society looks down on those who engage in this work.

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How FOSTA-SESTA Legislation is Wreaking Havoc on the Lives of Sex Workers by Ricky Riley

January 2, 2019

DAILYWIRE: Study Recommends Unusual Way To Deal With Past Trauma: BDSM

A scholarly paper published in a a peer-reviewed feminist academic journal decided to examine a most lurid subject: reliving a past trauma and trying to “reconfigure it” by reenacting it using bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism.

The abstract for the paper in Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society, which is published quarterly by the University of Chicago Press, stated:

As part of a much larger ethnographic study of lesbian/queer sex publics, this essay focuses on a particular erotic practice—sadomasochistic reenactments of lived trauma. Informed by queer-of-color critique, feminist performance studies, and psychoanalysis, this essay explores the necessary queer conditions enabling such returns, by which I mean the reenacting through BDSM of one’s own lived trauma in order to reconfigure it. This queerness, as an embodied erotics fed by durational—as opposed to impersonal and anonymous—ties, rides on the relational. That is, it is our fleshy entanglements and shared dependencies that enable these returns, returns that refuse and reconfigure lived trauma. The site of lesbian/queer sex publics thus offers critical reworkings, somatically generating as it does alternatively embodied futures.

The author of the paper candidly admitted taking part in BDSM events and conferences, noting:

While this essay is part of a much larger ethnographic project consisting of eighty-five interviews with queer-, lesbian-, and trans*-identified BDSMers coupled with my own participation at dozens of BDSM events and conferences, I focus on a particular subset of sadomasochists, who, as survivors of gender and sexual violence, reenact their trauma through BDSM. … The lesbian/queer communities informing this project are based in the Pacific Northwest and Canada, specifically Seattle, Los Angeles and Oakland. It is with these BDSM communities that I am most familiar, where I developed the deepest connections, and where I most immersed myself in their respective S/M events and play parties.

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Study Recommends Unusual Way to Deal with Trauma: BDSM by Hank Berrien

January 2, 2019

FORBES: Sex Workers And Immigrants Are Under Attack. Don't Like It? Send DC A Fax

For all their differences, one thing America's sex industry and its migrant labor market have in common is a long and troubled history in which changes to technology and law have played a large part (like in most industries, and areas of life). Since 'Wild West' days, these workers have also gotten very little voice in the systems governing their work.

As a result, US officials have a tradition of ignoring their needs, and taking shots at their homes and incomes instead. In response to recent high-tech, misinformed (and/or misleading) attacks on some of our most vulnerable workers' financial and digital lives, industry members and supporters have started exploring new ways of making their voices heard — in some cases, with distinctly old-school methods.

This year, for example, the new platform Tribunus has allowed web users to weigh in on critical issues when petitions and digital comments are no longer viable steps. On Tribunus' simple site, US residents can contact legislators directly by placing a phone call, sending them a fax, or — if their fax machine is turned off — quickly sending them a paper letter instead.

Tribunus' creator, a Bay Area programmer who asked to be identified as Michael, said he first launched the platform to help defeat a legal measure threatening California sex workers (successfully, after protests and hundreds of letters). Later on, he added pages addressing immigrant family separation and net neutrality.

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Sex Workers and Immigrants are under attack. Don't like it? Send DC a fax by Janet Burns

Dec 5th, 2018

HUFFPOST: Tumblr Is Betraying The Sex Workers And NSFW Artists Who Relied On The Platform

Peachyandplussized was upset.

She had just gotten off a tearful, 45-minute call with her partner, and she was still trying to process the news about Tumblr’s impending ban on all adult content when I got in touch with her. Peachyandplussized had poured so much of herself into her Tumblr. She was thinking now about how long it had taken her, an online sex worker, to build a fanbase on that platform, to make a name for herself.

“I’ve put almost three years into that blog. I’ve put so much money and time and effort,” she told me. “I’ve had to deal with so many people harassing me and threatening me. People putting me through the wringer just because of the content I wanted to make … and people treated me like I was less than a human — for years.”

She talked about the days when she was sick yet still got out of bed and shot videos, took hundreds of photos and purchased props to make her living. Then she let out a frustrated sigh before telling me that now a huge chunk of her income may be gone.

“Now it feels like all of my hard work and the strain it’s put on my mental health was just for nothing,” she added.

On Dec. 17, when the ban goes into effect, any photos, videos or GIFs that display human genitals or “female-presenting nipples” along with any content depicting sex acts will be prohibited. Any nudity related to art, political speech or “health-related situations,” as well as written erotica, will be exempt from the ban. The new policy comes two weeks after the Tumblr app’s removal from Apple’s App Store after “child sexual abuse material” was found on the site. Tumblr says it immediately removed the content. (Tumblr and HuffPost are both owned by Oath Inc.)

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Tumblr is Betraying the Sex Workers and NSFW Artist who relied on the Platform by Julia Craven