BUSINESS INSIDER: How to be powerful and successful, according to a former dominatrix

Being a dominatrix is a job that involves a surprising power paradox: you're the employee, yet you're also the one who's calling the shots over a submissive client. It's you holding up the whips and the chains, even though they're the one who's paying the bill.

It turns out that being a dominatrix is like having a robust human laboratory at your fingertips for understanding the nuances of how people relate to each other in different situations.

"It has to do with attention and power dynamics," former dominatrix Kasia Urbaniak told Business Insider.

Urbaniak has turned her "dom" skills of perception towards the goal of training a corps of powerful women in new ways of communicating with others, by starting up her own school in New York, a place called The Academy. For the past five years, The Academy's offered a curriculum — designed for anyone who identifies as a woman — to learn new paradigms for speaking, asking questions, and commanding as well as focusing attention in more powerful ways.

Urbaniak said time and time again she's seen her dominatrix-born tools help people get more of what they need at work (things like raises or childcare) while positively transforming their intimate relationships.

Her advice has been resonating with a broader audience than ever before since the Me Too sexual assault movement took off. She even created a class called "Cornering Harvey," after the news of sexual assault allegations against film mogul Harvey Weinstein broke last year. It's based on the ideas she was already teaching her students about how to break out of potentially dangerous patterns of learned silence.

Here are her top tips for surviving and thriving in all kinds of relationships.

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How to be Powerful and Successful According to a Dominatrix by Hilary Brueck

March 28, 2018

ROLLING STONE: How a New Senate Bill Will Screw Over Sex Workers

If SESTA becomes law, victims of human trafficking will be able to sue the websites their abusers may have used to communicate with one another. The implications reach beyond justice for survivors, however, as consensual sex workers may be charged with facilitating prostitution if they use an online forum to exchange safety information such as bad date lists. The threat of prosecution has already led such forums to simply shut down rather than face potential legal liability. When sex workers don't have access to digital resources – such as Craigslist, Backpage, Rentboy or MyRedBook – they often engage in high-risker street work.

"I fear this legislation will not stop human trafficking," says Nat Paul, a new appointee to the U.S. Advisory Council on Trafficking. Paul is a former sex worker and trafficking survivor, which she emphasizes are two different things. Like any other kind of abuse, trafficking thrives when victims can be isolated. Without free Internet forums, sex workers of all kinds will lose access to resources that can help them to both survive and thrive.


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How a New Senate Bill will Screw over Sex Workers by Tina Horn
Rolling Stone - March 23, 2018
Photo credit Andreas Arnold/picture-alliance/dpa/AP Images


In the immediate aftermath of SESTA/FOSTA passing, before it’s even been signed into law, we’re already seeing discussion of sex work on the internet hit.

Some companies, like Patreon, seem to have preemptively changed their policies last year while the legislation was being written. Others have started publicly changing their policies today and it should be expected they won’t be the last. Cityvibe, an advertising site that mostly concentrated on LA, is down in the last 24 hours. (Eds. note: since the writing of this article, TER has restructured, and Craigslist has removed its personals section.Twitter’s Chief Information Security Officer just left the company, as well, which means we’re going to see a new direction in that department.

Self-censoring is an unfortunate thing to have to resort to, but I believe right now it’s most important to maintain our networks and followers. Deleting your account is doing the dirty work for the tech companies – you may be able to avoid losing your account so you can continue participating in the community and being involved in a broader political discussion.

If you decide to delete tweets, there are a few ways to do it. This guide will be based on using a desktop or laptop and not a cell phone, since some of these features are not available on phone.


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Post-SESTA/FOSTA Self Censoring for Twitter, Reddit, and other Social Media by Liara Roux
Tits and Sass - March 23, 2018

SLUTIST: Mother Whore - I claim both

My partner kneels by my bedside, his head to the floor with his hands stretched out in a yogic “Child’s Pose.” I enter the room and stand at the crown of his head. “Show me your gratitude.” He moves his lips to my leather boots and presses a kiss three times to each.

I pull a soft leather hood over his face and Robert disappears into a being that is my object. His body is the one I lie next to every night, but his face is gone, no longer the man who chides me over the grocery budget nor the jolly father who throws his daughters over his shoulders. His face is a dark spot against the white bedroom walls, a Rorschach ink spill in which I perceive my erotic fantasy.

I instruct the slave to stand at the far end of the sturdy, steel canopy bed. Unraveling a loop of hemp rope, I quickly weave a web that winds around wrists, ankles, torso, and thighs, securing the body to the metal frame. My fingers pause by his chest, squeezing his nipples–– those sensitive triggers that activate his groin, which I also lasso tightly with a thin rope and tie directly to the bed frame. Any struggle will be surely and sorely felt. Satisfied, I step back to admire the collage of rope and muscles, steel and skin.


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Mother Whore - I claim both by Yin Q
Slutist – July 15, 2016

AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL: Policy on State Obligations to Respect, Protect and Fulfil the Human Rights of Sex Workers

This policy has been developed in recognition of the high rates of human rights abuses experienced globally by individuals who engage in sex work; a term that Amnesty International uses only in regard to consensual exchanges between adults. It identifies the most prominent barriers to the realization of sex workers’ human rights and underlines states’ obligations to address them.


May 26, 2016

SLATE: Why Internet Advocates Are Against the Anti–Sex Trafficking Bill

This month, Congress is considering whether to pass legislation intended to combat sex trafficking online. It may sound like a worthy goal, but it would undermine a more than 20-year-old law that has been fundamental to today’s internet. If only the members of Congress would remember the old adage: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

But the internet is sort of broken, you might think, given the very real problems of harassment, hate speech, fake news, and other issues you may think we have with social media and big internet companies. Maybe any change in the law to make Facebook, Google, and other tech companies more responsible for bad content is a good idea.

Sadly, the intuitively appealing approach is wrong. If Congress follows through and passes this legislation, it not only will fail to achieve the bill’s stated goals—it also will fundamentally change, and arguably cripple, the internet you’ve grown to rely on these past two decades.  If you’re going to call your members of Congress—and by all means you should—it’s worth understanding both problems.

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Why Internet Advocates Are Against the Anti–Sex Trafficking Bill by Mike Godwin
SLATE, March 14, 2018

ENGADGET: How 'sex trafficking' just opened the censorship floodgates

Illustration by D. Thomas Magee

Throwing sex workers under the bus is actually the oldest profession.

In a 388 to 25 vote Tuesday, the House of Representatives passed legislation that makes websites criminally responsible if they can be seen as facilitating sex work. It still needs to get through the Senate, but with his daughter's endorsement, Trump is anticipated to sign it. Along with its maddening misconceptions about preventing sex trafficking and helping victims, FOSTA-SESTA incorrectly defines sex work and sex trafficking as one thing.

It's all about policing content. Just not racist or extremist content. Only the content Morality in Media (now known as National Center on Sexual Exploitation, a key proponent of FOSTA-SESTA) doesn't like.

Now, you'd think that in a time when YouTube is plastered with extremist videos and Instagram gives murderers room to express themselves, some legislation would come along to encourage website owners to tackle thoseproblems. But you'd be wrong. Instead, conservative groups have rushed in to force changes to Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. Currently, 230 shields online intermediaries from liability for user-generated speech. Yet it also allows for prosecution of those intermediaries under federal criminal law (such as federal anti-trafficking statutes that are already in place).

The proposed changes to Section 230 are specifically designed to sweep nasty, awful sex people off the internet -- along with the very sex trafficking victims they claim to be helping.

According to critics, FOSTA-SESTA (two bills Frankenstein-stitched together) is the worst thing to happen to the internet since the death of net neutrality. If this passes, "risk-averse platforms will likely block too much content to avoid criminal liability and civil claims," the Center for Democracy & Technology explains.

This will inhibit everyone's ability to speak freely and to access information. If platforms are compelled to use content filters to screen out potentially trafficking-related material, this effect will be amplified because automated filtering is notoriously overbroad.

Small platforms, such as specialized message boards and online communities that serve niche interests, will find it particularly difficult to survive under [FOSTA-SESTA]'s increased liability risk. [FOSTA-SESTA] would have the unintended consequence of reducing diversity of viewpoints and forums for speech online.

FOSTA-SESTA's opponents include the National Organization for Women, the ACLU, EFF, the Center for Democracy & Technology, national sex work right orgssex workers of all stripes, AIDS United, sex trafficking victims' rights groups, a variety of tech groups, and more -- including the Department of Justice.

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How 'sex trafficking' just opened the censorship floodgates by Violet Blue
engadget, March 2, 2018

HUFFPOST: If Lawmakers Want To Protect Sex Workers, They Must Listen To Us

Next Monday, the Senate is set to vote on a bill that proponents believe would protect people who exchange sexual services for money. In reality, FOSTA-SESTA would do precisely the opposite. It would endanger sex workers of all kinds, no matter how willingly or unwillingly we work.

FOSTA-SESTA is designed to prevent sex trafficking by making websites liable for online speech that may enable it. (The bulky acronym combines the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act and the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act.) The bill’s Senate sponsors, Rob Portman (R-Ohio) and Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.), describe it as a “milestone in our fight to hold online sex traffickers accountable and help give trafficking survivors the justice they deserve.”

Strangely, though, the bill does nothing to help trafficking survivors confront their actual abusers, i.e., the traffickers. It focuses its ire on the websites viewed by the bill’s proponents as enablers of the sex trade.



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If Lawmakers Want To Protect Sex Workers, They Must Listen To Us by Ty Mitchell
Huffington Post, March 8, 2018

ALLURE: If You Care About Sex Trafficking, Trust People in the Sex Trades — Not Celebrities

This is an op-ed by author Alana Massey on the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA).

When I use my writing platform to discuss my sex work history and advocate for people who are currently in the sex trades, one of the occupational hazards I resent the most is the demands that I prove my legitimacy by reliving past traumas. Another is the unending task of learning the ins and outs of misleadingly labeled federal legislation that would be disastrous for sex workers. But learn it, I do, and you should too as a horrific bill, the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act of 2017 (SESTA), inches closer to a Senate vote.


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If You Care About Sex Trafficking, Trust People in the Sex Trades — Not Celebrities by Alana Massey
allure, March 7, 2018
image: Getty Images

SLUTEVER: Lifestyle Slaves



Karley spends time with a dominatrix and her platonic lifestyle slave and finds an unexpected dynamic.