Being a dominatrix is a job that involves a surprising power paradox: you’re the employee, yet you’re also the one who’s calling the shots over a submissive client. It’s you holding up the whips and the chains, even though they’re the one who’s paying the bill.

It turns out that being a dominatrix is like having a robust human laboratory at your fingertips for understanding the nuances of how people relate to each other in different situations.

“It has to do with attention and power dynamics,” former dominatrix Kasia Urbaniak told Business Insider.

Urbaniak has turned her “dom” skills of perception towards the goal of training a corps of powerful women in new ways of communicating with others, by starting up her own school in New York, a place called The Academy. For the past five years, The Academy’s offered a curriculum — designed for anyone who identifies as a woman — to learn new paradigms for speaking, asking questions, and commanding as well as focusing attention in more powerful ways.

Urbaniak said time and time again she’s seen her dominatrix-born tools help people get more of what they need at work (things like raises or childcare) while positively transforming their intimate relationships.

Her advice has been resonating with a broader audience than ever before since the Me Too sexual assault movement took off. She even created a class called “Cornering Harvey,” after the news of sexual assault allegations against film mogul Harvey Weinstein broke last year. It’s based on the ideas she was already teaching her students about how to break out of potentially dangerous patterns of learned silence.

Here are her top tips for surviving and thriving in all kinds of relationships.

Read the full article:

How to be Powerful and Successful According to a Dominatrix by Hilary Brueck

March 28, 2018